Self Evaluation: Fund. of Speech: Intro Speech

Malana Smith

Fund. of Speech

Mon, Wed, Fri

Self-Evaluation #1

1-28-14

Self-Evaluation- Introduction Speech

1.       Initial Observation: I found that it was a solid speech, but there are improvements to be made. I seemed confident, but still a bit nervous. Once I got going, I gained more confidence and finished strong.

2.       Introduction: Seemed to grab the attention of my audience, but I had a habit of fiddling with the desk in front of me and did not maintain consistent eye-contact.

3.       Body: My transitions seemed to flow smoothly. I moved my hands around a lot and looked at my paper now and again. I needed to emphasize my second point more in order to give a clearer understanding of my middle name. During my third point, I seemed to rabbit trail.

4.       Conclusion: I summed up everything pretty well and reintegrated my main points. I wish I would have said each name that matched each characteristic instead of saying my full name, then listing my three points. I was happy to incorporate my future last name, though that was a last minute decision. I enjoyed this speech!

5.       What I did well: I was able to grab the attention of the audience pretty easily. They seemed very attentive and interested. I liked that my speech was different than the others and more unique. I also felt like I did not show any nervousness though I felt nervous. I was also able to get all of my point out and did not leave anything out from my notes. I also managed to avoid “umm’s” or apologizing if I messed up.

6.       What I will improve: I will not look at my notes as much and make sure I have steadier eye contact with the audience. I will also have smaller notes instead of full pages. I also want to improve how many times I pause so I can keep a steady flow of speaking. I also think I want to speak a tad bit louder to prevent any trailing off of volume, and to keep people awake. I also want to make my speeches a tad bit longer. I tried my best to keep it shorter because I have a habit of taking too much time. I need to find that balance. 

Unmerrited: My decision to move out: Moral Philospohy

Malana Smith

Contemporary Moral Problems

Morality Paper 1

1-22-14

Unmerrited

            It was probably one of the stupidest decisions I had ever made in my life. When the situation is put on paper, it seems as if justifications for my decision were selfish, irrelevant, and immature. But what else would you expect from an over-confident eighteen year old who acted as though she was thirty and even found pride within this identity?

            Oddly enough, though the decision was based out of selfish ambition and the inability to see above my circumstances, I would never change it. Do I believe it was wrong? Absolutely. Do I believe there could have been a better response? Certainly. Do I believe my life would be better if I had not made that decision? Never. I never knew that leaving my family when they desperately needed me would change my life like it did. I never knew that moving out and leaving my father and mother incapable of providing for their family would give me a prospective I never had before. I never knew that good could ever come out of stupidity- and not from my own works. Grace was applied, humbling took place, and maturity was gained. But most importantly, I understood the true value of love and  grace; especially after it was shown to me by those I hurt the most.

            It all started when my dad lost his license.

            My father was the only driver of our family, the sole provider, and my family only had one vehicle. I had a learner’s permit, but could not drive without someone else in the vehicle. I got a call one day during class from my mom and she explained that my dad had lost his license because someone from another state with the same name had a few tickets that were unpaid. The DMV refused to give him his license until he could get a letter from the state of North Carolina stating he was not this man. The courts in North Carolina told him it would be about two weeks- my family did not have two weeks to wait. My dad was just hired on his job after being on unemployment for almost a year and we were drowning in our finances. I had a job and paid for my own phone and other necessities, but it was not nearly enough to help out with bills. Our house was being foreclosed. My father getting to work was nonnegotiable.

            My mother also informed me that we received our tax returns that day so we would be okay financially, but dad could not lose his job. My parents promised me a thousand dollars if I graduated with a certain grade point average and I was planning on buying myself a car with the money. So I jumped on the opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. I buy my car if they will pay for the insurance, and in return, I’ll take my dad for work for two weeks. So we went to work.

            Within a week, I had bought a car, missed five days of school in attempts to take my driver’s test (one of the most absurd processes ever), and finally gained my license and began to take my father to work. I honestly thought I could handle it- in fact, I felt like a hero. I did not realize the responsibility that came with this agreement I had made. I believe my parents thought there were unspoken agreements that since they had paid for my insurance (though I still had to pay them back), that I had to take them anywhere they needed when they needed or just wanted to. At the time, I was going to high school, taking night school for cosmetology (which at the time, I needed to do night school in order to graduate on time or I would be unable to get my degree), a worship leader for my church which came with responsibilities such as picking kids up for church and going to practices and services, and I had a part time job in the JC Penny Portrait studio. As I began taking my dad to and from work, his work schedule prevented me from going to night school. I would be okay as long as it was not any longer than the two weeks in agreement. I could make that up as needed. But something within my household changed when I became the transportation- my parents (especially my mother) began to make me feel guilty for being the transportation. She made me feel as if I owed them because of the insurance money, even though I would still have to pay them back. My dysfunctional household became an even greater war-zone as my mother began to purposefully express that she was the authority in the household to establish that she was the parent and I was the child. Later on, I figured out that she was doing this out of insecurity because she felt as if she could not take care of her family and had to rely on her daughter. In order to make sure I would not “overstep my bounds” as a daughter, she did power plays to exercise her  authority. This was quite unpleasant.

            The stress the situation caused began to really wear me down. I had too much on my plate- and I knew it.  I could not back out though- they needed me! I looked forward to the end of my two weeks. I knew they needed my help and I had volunteered. There was no backing out.

            One day, about a week and a half into driving, I come home to find my mother livid. Turns out, the courts of North Carolina said it could take up to three months before they could get the papers to my dad. Three months! I could not handle it for that long. By then I would be graduated (if I even had the ability) and there was no way I would be able to finish cosmetology school. I became fed up with the whole situation and looked at my mother and said, “Well, I guess it’s a good time for you to get a license. And a car. And a job. I can’t do this for three months,” and then I walked to my room and slammed the door. I felt that it was about time she started doing something for her family instead of being on the sidelines as I did it. She subbed at a local elementary school a few times a week, but there was no constant money flow and barely enough pay as it was. When she was not working, she was in the living room playing with beads. She was not doing housework or much else that would benefit the family. And as the adult of the house and the “authority” she needed to be the one to take her husband to work. I was hurting my chances of having a successful future by trying to fix my parent’s present. And I could not do both.

            The final tipping point was that Saturday after I got off of work. I realized my cell phone had been cut off because I mixed up the dates of my paycheck. I had money saved up at my boyfriend’s parent’s house so I called them to let them know I was on my way to come pick it up. I had a dinner to go to at church that night and I needed to deposit the money before I went. I knew I was low on gas, so I called my grandfather from my work phone to see if I could “take him up on that tank of gas” he promised me when I passed my driver’s test because I was “out of gas”. He explained to me that my grandmother was the one who handled the money and he was not sure if they had enough at the moment. He told me she was currently at work, but would be off after six and I could call her then. I thanked him then hung up the phone and went to my boyfriend’s house.

            When I got there, Travis (my boyfriend) was watching a basketball game. I stuck around a few minutes after grabbing the money. While watching the game, Travis gets a phone call from my mother for some odd reason, wondering if I am there. Travis gives me the phone and I come to find that my mother is wondering why I was not at work. I explained to her about the money and the phone and she replied with, “well, your grandfather want to speak with you,” she then handed the phone over to my grandpa. I was entirely confused. Why was my grandpa with my mom?

            Grandpa gets on the phone and tells me I need to get me a** to my job “right now” and then hangs up on me. Totally lost as to what is going on, I head out and arrive at the JC Penny parking lot, thinking this is one big misunderstanding. I would explain what happened, get the gas I need, and then head to the bank. All will be well with the world. If only.

            I found my mother and grandfather standing next to my grandfather’s truck and my grandfather was holding a plastic red gas can. The confusion continued. I make my way towards them, smiling, asking them “what’s up” and immediately my grandfather jumped on me with, “how dare you not even tell your own flesh and blood that your phone is off, then not let your parents know that you aren’t even at work! We were here thinking that you were stranded on the side of the road without any gas so I rushed up here to find that your mother didn’t even know what was going on!”

            He then proceeded to walk hastily toward my vehicle. Mom was saying something in support of what my grandfather was talking about, but I could not hear her over my grandfather’s yelling. “And don’t you even think you’re going to get that full tank of gas now. You’re going to get what’s in this gas-can and that’s it! And don’t you dare step one foot into my house again without my permission!” my grandfather then unscrewed the gas cap and put the gas in the car. I cannot remember what my mom was saying because I was in a daze. I had no idea what was going on! I tried to explain myself over and over again, explaining that this was just one big understanding. But no one would listen to me. We had a yell-out in the middle of the JC Penny parking lot and it got to the point that someone yelled to us that we needed to “do that at home”. By this time, I am balling my eyes out and without any opportunities for explanation, my mother and grandfather walk away and leave.

I was left standing by my driver’s side of my gold Saturn, wondering what just happened. I get in my car and I begin to sob incessantly. No one wanted to hear me out, I barely had any money, I was unsure if I could ever go to my grandfather’s house again, and my mother did not even try to defend me as my grandfather chewed me out over something I did not mean to do. They both ganged up on me. By this time, I was exhausted from working a full shift, stressed about the car situation and hurt from what just happened with my grandfather. I did not know what to do. I just knew I was tired- tired of everything. I began praying to God as to what to do. I drove to the bank to insert the money so I could pay my phone bill online. I was still in work clothes and needed to change for the dinner, but home was the last place I wanted to go at that time. I was lost.

            I finally decided to head to the church. I looked like a mess, but that was my home away from home and I knew it would be safe there. I tried to compose myself as I walked into the church, but I lasted three minutes before I had to run back to my car for another crying jig. A bit later, the dinner had already started and I became composed enough to go back inside. I stood in line to get food, but a lady named Erica saw that my face was red from crying and asked if everything was okay. I looked at her and immediately began crying again. She then led me to the hallway to talk.

            We talked for about an hour. Many things were talked about such as the fact that it was not my responsibility as a child to take care of my parents and that I should not have that weight on my shoulders at such a young age and I cannot save them. This habit of leaning on people had become a lifestyle for my parents where they would use whoever would give them the ability to survive until the person’s resources dried up and they were forced to find found another. It was parasitical, and I was now the new resource. My future was at stake and she explained to me that helping them was actually detrimental because it was enabling them.  This pattern was not going to end with me. God would take care of them, but maybe I needed to get my hands off of the situation and allow God to help them instead. I could not be their God. They needed to lean on Him and in order to do that, I had to get my hands out of it.

            I knew that as long as I lived under their roof, I would have no choice but to be there transportation or they could take away any rights I had that would affect responsibilities I had to maintain. They could take my car away even though I paid for it. They could make me quite my job that I needed to pay bills; they could force me not to go to church. I could not risk another power play. I felt my only option was to move out. I could not do it anymore.

            I had faith that God would take care of them, and I knew what position I was putting them in. But I had to believe God would help them, just like He had done  for them on numerous occasions. When I told people about my decision that night, almost all of them were not surprised. Many of them saw it coming before it did. The next day I told my father. That was probably one of the hardest three minutes of my life. The fact was that I was eighteen so there was nothing he could do about it. Later that night, I moved out all of my things and stayed with a church family for a week. Then God brought me a place to live for free until I went to college that even had a private bathroom and I could come and go as I pleased. I found out that I was not able to graduate high school because of all the days I missed, so a few months before graduation, I was put in a program that allowed me finish up the credits I needed to graduate. I then spent the rest of my senior semester finishing my cosmetology degree. I got a job at a salon where I made about sixteen dollars an hour and lived on my own until college started.

My dad got his license back two days after I moved out. All my parents did was call the DMV and they fixed it in their computers- over the phone.

Many may wonder why I think that moving out was the stupidest decision I ever made. Where was the harm, right? I got the freedom I needed, my dad got his license back, and I became successful. The truth is, is that a decision should never be made out of emotions and impulsively. When I moved out, I tore a hole in my parent’s and my relationship. My father forgave me, but it took months before my mother would speak to me. I did not see my family for months, and when I did, I felt so uncomfortable and unwelcome. My mother never checked up on me and did not even know where I lived for six months. My mother started filling my sister’s heads with bad things about me, saying how I was a horrible person and that they should not forgive me for what I did. My baby sister, Deanna, had a hard time because she was who I was closest with. I tried my best to be there for them and to explain to them why I moved out, but they barely saw me. They did see mom every day, though. My family and I had a lot of emotional turmoil because of it and healing that needed to be done.

A few months after I moved out, I still swore that I was not wrong in my decision and that I was entirely justified. I felt that I was walking in love by not allowing them to lean on me in support. I thought that the good that came out of it (such as my dad getting his license back so soon, the Lord providing a place to live for free until college, and even my job) was proof that I did the right thing. Then I finally humbled myself and became honest with God. I finally shut-up long enough to listen to what He had to say on the subject.

He told me that, even though in this world a child is not supposed to be responsible for their parents, I was His daughter first and I am commanded to love. Love always persevered and is not self-seeking- something I did not do. He would have taken care of me if I would have stayed, just as He took care of me when I left. Since I was His daughter first, that superseded the fact that I was my parent’s daughter in this world, and because of that, it was my responsibility to help them anyway and keep my word. They depended on me to help them. They did not want to be dependent on me any more than I wanted to provide for them. They were very scared after I left them out to dry. He showed me that the reason everything turned out as well as it did was because of His love and grace. Even though I messed up, His grace abounded and provided what each of us needed. But, this was nothing compared to the good He could have done in me and my parent’s life if I would have stayed. Who knows what would have happened. I would not have the dissension between me and my family- that was for sure. Forgiveness and unmerited favor was there. I later sent a letter to my parent’s apologizing for what I had done. It was out of selfishness and fear. I made an impulsive decision that –thank God- I did not have to pay the price for.

Since then, my family has become a stronger unit and I am happier than I have ever been. I could not imagine life being any different. My family and I are closer than we have ever been, but it took a lot of pain, heart-ache, and humbling to get here. Only grace can do that. I do not deserve it at all, but my family and God have forgiven me and even blessed me anyway.

 Was moving out the wrong thing to do? Yes. Can I change it? No. Do I want to? Not at all.

The Bigger Picture: If my Kid was a Transgender

Malana Smith

Morality essay II

Moral Contemporary Problems

Moday @ 12

1-27-14

The Bigger Picture

This current semester, I am taking a marriage class where we discuss the social issues seen within modern-America marriage. We discuss gender roles, economic expectations and the ever-changing dynamics of marriage in America’s developing culture. Recently, we discussed transgender individuals and the struggles they face with identity and acceptance with others. We watched a documentary about a little boy who, mentally, she felt she was a girl, but physically she was a boy. Her parents were devout Lutherans and had to make some hard choices that made them question their faith and their basic understandings of life. What was gender? Why would God put this on their child, knowing she would struggle with this for the rest of her life? What were they to do?

As I began to think what my husband and I would do if we discovered our child was considered transgender. Obviously anything I thought would be theoretical considering I have not experienced this first hand, but it is interesting to ponder.

If my male child, the little boy I was so excited about because I felt he would enjoy the things his father and I did, the little boy I was so excited to have in order to avoid the overthinking nature of his mother and, instead, have his father’s common sense. If that boy started drawing himself as a girl and changed his name from Lucas to Lucy on his own at age five- I would have to do much soul searching. First thing I would focus on are his influences. Did he see this from another sibling, from his mom and dad, or from school? Let’s assume that, just as in the documentary, the little boy had no outside female influence other than his mother and the kids at school. It would seem as though he developed identity as a girl on his own. My little boy somehow felt on the inside that he was a girl.

The next thing I would consider would be if this was a spiritual problem. We are all born into sin, but there is nothing in the Bible that talks of transgender, just homosexuality. But, just like everything else, homosexuality is covered under the grace of God by the blood of His son that has put us in forever right-standing with God. Humans as a whole are derivative creatures. Putting the nature verses nurture argument aside, let’s take it from a Stoic point of view. What is natural is right in order to meet the expected ends. If I based my perspective off of this, my child would have this identity out of a sin-nature in which he was born into and would be affected by thoughts of the enemy trying to deceive him from meeting his expected end as a male that would have a greater impact for the kingdom of God.

If this is the case, what do I do until he comes to this realization himself? My husband and I could try to condemn into being feminine, but that would be detrimental and absolutely unloving of our little boy. He would not understand at such a young age unless God Himself revealed it to him. That could definitely happen, but my husband and I would still be unable to do anything but wait on God. I then came to this realization:

I will love this little boy with all that I am.

He will be my pride and joy and a deception from the enemy of God is not going to cause me to love him any less. All my husband and I will be able to do is pray that the Lord will do what he needs to do and love my little boy (or girl for however long it may be that he perceives himself as this) without any condemnation. Yes, I will try to explain to him why this was not what God has in store for his life, but even though he will not understand, he will understand that we will never love him any less or hold it against him. Through that, I believe this will get our hands off of the situation and just trust God that He will touch his heart and reveal to him the deception of the enemy trying to prevent God’s perfect will for his life.

Here’s another scenario: what if that revelation never comes? He will spend his entire life trying to prove that he is a female while the world tells him he is male. He will struggle and I will feel like our hands are tied. All we will be able to do is love him regardless and be there for him. We will tell him of the love of God and raise him as best we can instead of trying to spend his entire childhood pushing down the fact he feels like a girl. I would rather try raising a wonderful child who will impact other’s lives with the love of God. He would know that, even though it may not be God’s best for him, God is not going to condemn him or hold it against my son if has accepted Jesus as his savior. I can rest assured that if my child accepts Christ (or even if one day he decides not to), I will do my best to love him (or her) with God’s love and grace. If he comes to know Christ, I believe God will open his eyes to an opportunity for a life better he could ever ask or imagine.

If I have to, I will buy him a Barbie, or anything he wants because those are aesthetic. These material things and interests do not harm any person. It will take much humbling on my husband and mine's part, but we can compromise on the big stuff such as medical gender compliances. I would just not want anything permanent just in case he chooses to act differently. Medical enhancements would be a decision he would have to make on his own when he is an adult. He will have to live with the choices he makes.

 I believe that our gender, though our culture’s influence has a major impact, is something that comes from our physical bodies, but (if we go a little deeper theologically) both men and women characteristics are both derived from God’s nature. When God created man and women, they were both out of His image. Men and women are both like God. He created men and women to be a balance for one another and cause them to hunger for unity between each other and with God. If this is the case, then it can be absolutely acceptable for someone to have “female” personality but have male physical traits. It’s how we use those physical traits on this earth that matter. Our physical traits are for use on this world for adequate use of our environment, procreation, and pleasure. Our bodies are created to be used in a certain way and will not have success doing anything other than what it is designed to do. This is why same-sex couples cannot bear children- they can easily have an intimate relationship, but they will never be able to successfully procreate.

Our society has created stereotypes that have influenced how we view gender and the characteristics that “should” go with them. Who says a man cannot be sensitive and like pink? Who says a girl cannot play baseball and hock loogies? The disapproval does not come from God. God cares about what someone does with thier physical traits such as having sex with the same sex, even though they may identify as a different gender. The true disapproval comes from man and societal expectations. This ideology is why transgender individuals have to feel like they need the physicality’s to go with the “gender identity”. The pressures of society to conform to the dominant ideology are what cause those feelings of being an outcast. I truly believe that if our society’s expectations were not present, a person with male physical qualities and likes “feminine” things can have a successful marriage –without judgment- with the person of the opposite sex. They should not have to feel like they have to change their bodies to match their personality. In fact, it would not surprise me if that individual would marry someone who liked the more “masculine” things.

 I could go on and on about this subject, but at the end of the day, it is about my child and my actions regarding my child if this problem arises. Truthfully, I do not want my child to have to spend their entire life focusing on proving to the world what gender they are. I would rather have them focus on trying to love and encourage others through Christ’s love. If I can raise a child who does that and can truly make an impact in the lives of those around them, then I know I did my job. My job as a parent is not to change my child’s heart. My job is to raise an adult with love and grace. It’s God’s job to change my child’s heart and it only takes a heart that is willing. I cannot allow the biases created by society and not by God to influence how I act toward my own child. It will be one of the most difficult things my husband and I will ever do, and it may take a lot of humbling, but I know at the end of the day, I will still love my child no matter what gender they identify with for any amount of time.

Intro speech- fundamentals of speech

Malana Smith

 Fundamentals of Speech

Introduction Speech

1-24-14

Outline of Introduction Speech

General Purpose: To introduce.

Specific Purpose: To convey to the audience why my first, middle, and last name describe me and my life.

Title: The Power in a Name

Central Idea: The original dialectic meaning of my first, middle, and last name describes who I am and what my life has consisted of.

Intro: Reenacting the conversation my parents had as they decided my first and middle name Body:

1. First name: Malana- Hawaiian for buoyant and light weight- I’m a bubbly person and have many air headed moments

2. Middle name: Renee’- French for Reborn- I have been born again by Christ and transformed into who I am supposed to be

3. Last name: Smith- originally derived from the term “blacksmith”- Through the testing of fire in the trials of my life, I have become strong and beautiful.

Conclusion: Through my first name, Malana, one can see that I have a bubbly character who can have ditzy moments every once in a while. One can also see that through my middle name, Renee’, I have been reborn into the Malana God created me to be instead of who I thought I was supposed to be. And finally, through my last name, Smith, one can see that like a blacksmith using fire to mold metal to make it stronger and beautiful, I too, have become strong and beautiful through the fire that the trials of life brings. An anonymous author once wrote that “words have meaning and names have power” (Anonymous). Names do have power, and that power is to speak into existence whatever we are. So it’s very nice to meet you. My name is “Malana Renee’ Smith”.

 Bibliography:

• Name meaning for Malana: http://www.thinkbabynames.com/meaning/0/Malana

• Name meaning for Renee’: http://www.thinkbabynames.com/meaning/0/Renee

 • Name meaning for Smith: http://www.ancestry.com/name-origin?surname=smith

• Anonymous: http://www.quotegarden.com/names.html

Biology scientific experiment process

Malana Smith General Biology 1-22-14 The Bobo Doll Experiment: http://kerrpsych.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/bandurasummary.pdf Within the Bobo Doll Experiment, Dr. Bandura conveyed that children learn actions through observed consequences. Within the experiment, he had three sets of children watch three different senarios where an adult would hit a blow-up clown toy and show aggression and either receive a lollipop, get punished or have no consequences or rewards at all. Bandura did this experiment in the hopes to prove that children mimic what they see and what consequences will be delivered by their actions. The more severe, the less likely they are to commit an act. If it is rewarded, the more likely they will commit an act. In comparison to the use of standard practices of experimentation, Dr. Bandura followed some of the expected processes, but not all of them. Within his study, he discussed what was being analyzed along with the different scenarios and independent groups, as well as a control group of 24 children who were not exposed to the model. He was very thorough with his other three groups that were exposed to the model by making sure they had equal amounts of boys and girls. He also exposed them to aggressive and non-aggressive toys to see if they would pick out the Bobo doll. I did not read any initial hypothesis within the report but it seemed apparent throughout the study. Dr. Bandura did not use any type of quantifiable data or graphs, though with the smaller number of people, it was unneeded. He did, indeed, prove his hypothesis by showing that the children did act aggressively as shown by the adult, especially when the reward of a lollipop and verbal praise was present. From what the study suggests, there were not multiple test samples which may have strengthened his theory. Overall, it seems that Dr. Bandura performed an extensive experiment within the guidelines of the standard guidelines for experimentation.