Malana Smith
Morality essay II
Moral Contemporary Problems
Moday @ 12
1-27-14
The Bigger Picture
This current semester, I am taking a marriage class where we discuss the social issues seen within modern-America marriage. We discuss gender roles, economic expectations and the ever-changing dynamics of marriage in America’s developing culture. Recently, we discussed transgender individuals and the struggles they face with identity and acceptance with others. We watched a documentary about a little boy who, mentally, she felt she was a girl, but physically she was a boy. Her parents were devout Lutherans and had to make some hard choices that made them question their faith and their basic understandings of life. What was gender? Why would God put this on their child, knowing she would struggle with this for the rest of her life? What were they to do?
As I began to think what my husband and I would do if we discovered our child was considered transgender. Obviously anything I thought would be theoretical considering I have not experienced this first hand, but it is interesting to ponder.
If my male child, the little boy I was so excited about because I felt he would enjoy the things his father and I did, the little boy I was so excited to have in order to avoid the overthinking nature of his mother and, instead, have his father’s common sense. If that boy started drawing himself as a girl and changed his name from Lucas to Lucy on his own at age five- I would have to do much soul searching. First thing I would focus on are his influences. Did he see this from another sibling, from his mom and dad, or from school? Let’s assume that, just as in the documentary, the little boy had no outside female influence other than his mother and the kids at school. It would seem as though he developed identity as a girl on his own. My little boy somehow felt on the inside that he was a girl.
The next thing I would consider would be if this was a spiritual problem. We are all born into sin, but there is nothing in the Bible that talks of transgender, just homosexuality. But, just like everything else, homosexuality is covered under the grace of God by the blood of His son that has put us in forever right-standing with God. Humans as a whole are derivative creatures. Putting the nature verses nurture argument aside, let’s take it from a Stoic point of view. What is natural is right in order to meet the expected ends. If I based my perspective off of this, my child would have this identity out of a sin-nature in which he was born into and would be affected by thoughts of the enemy trying to deceive him from meeting his expected end as a male that would have a greater impact for the kingdom of God.
If this is the case, what do I do until he comes to this realization himself? My husband and I could try to condemn into being feminine, but that would be detrimental and absolutely unloving of our little boy. He would not understand at such a young age unless God Himself revealed it to him. That could definitely happen, but my husband and I would still be unable to do anything but wait on God. I then came to this realization:
I will love this little boy with all that I am.
He will be my pride and joy and a deception from the enemy of God is not going to cause me to love him any less. All my husband and I will be able to do is pray that the Lord will do what he needs to do and love my little boy (or girl for however long it may be that he perceives himself as this) without any condemnation. Yes, I will try to explain to him why this was not what God has in store for his life, but even though he will not understand, he will understand that we will never love him any less or hold it against him. Through that, I believe this will get our hands off of the situation and just trust God that He will touch his heart and reveal to him the deception of the enemy trying to prevent God’s perfect will for his life.
Here’s another scenario: what if that revelation never comes? He will spend his entire life trying to prove that he is a female while the world tells him he is male. He will struggle and I will feel like our hands are tied. All we will be able to do is love him regardless and be there for him. We will tell him of the love of God and raise him as best we can instead of trying to spend his entire childhood pushing down the fact he feels like a girl. I would rather try raising a wonderful child who will impact other’s lives with the love of God. He would know that, even though it may not be God’s best for him, God is not going to condemn him or hold it against my son if has accepted Jesus as his savior. I can rest assured that if my child accepts Christ (or even if one day he decides not to), I will do my best to love him (or her) with God’s love and grace. If he comes to know Christ, I believe God will open his eyes to an opportunity for a life better he could ever ask or imagine.
If I have to, I will buy him a Barbie, or anything he wants because those are aesthetic. These material things and interests do not harm any person. It will take much humbling on my husband and mine's part, but we can compromise on the big stuff such as medical gender compliances. I would just not want anything permanent just in case he chooses to act differently. Medical enhancements would be a decision he would have to make on his own when he is an adult. He will have to live with the choices he makes.
I believe that our gender, though our culture’s influence has a major impact, is something that comes from our physical bodies, but (if we go a little deeper theologically) both men and women characteristics are both derived from God’s nature. When God created man and women, they were both out of His image. Men and women are both like God. He created men and women to be a balance for one another and cause them to hunger for unity between each other and with God. If this is the case, then it can be absolutely acceptable for someone to have “female” personality but have male physical traits. It’s how we use those physical traits on this earth that matter. Our physical traits are for use on this world for adequate use of our environment, procreation, and pleasure. Our bodies are created to be used in a certain way and will not have success doing anything other than what it is designed to do. This is why same-sex couples cannot bear children- they can easily have an intimate relationship, but they will never be able to successfully procreate.
Our society has created stereotypes that have influenced how we view gender and the characteristics that “should” go with them. Who says a man cannot be sensitive and like pink? Who says a girl cannot play baseball and hock loogies? The disapproval does not come from God. God cares about what someone does with thier physical traits such as having sex with the same sex, even though they may identify as a different gender. The true disapproval comes from man and societal expectations. This ideology is why transgender individuals have to feel like they need the physicality’s to go with the “gender identity”. The pressures of society to conform to the dominant ideology are what cause those feelings of being an outcast. I truly believe that if our society’s expectations were not present, a person with male physical qualities and likes “feminine” things can have a successful marriage –without judgment- with the person of the opposite sex. They should not have to feel like they have to change their bodies to match their personality. In fact, it would not surprise me if that individual would marry someone who liked the more “masculine” things.
I could go on and on about this subject, but at the end of the day, it is about my child and my actions regarding my child if this problem arises. Truthfully, I do not want my child to have to spend their entire life focusing on proving to the world what gender they are. I would rather have them focus on trying to love and encourage others through Christ’s love. If I can raise a child who does that and can truly make an impact in the lives of those around them, then I know I did my job. My job as a parent is not to change my child’s heart. My job is to raise an adult with love and grace. It’s God’s job to change my child’s heart and it only takes a heart that is willing. I cannot allow the biases created by society and not by God to influence how I act toward my own child. It will be one of the most difficult things my husband and I will ever do, and it may take a lot of humbling, but I know at the end of the day, I will still love my child no matter what gender they identify with for any amount of time.
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